SisterVibes
A podcast hosted by three sisters in their 40s with a lifetime of stories and insights to share. From growing up in Japan to now living across three continents, we've gone through life's twists and turns. Join us as we dive into our cherished childhood memories, offer our unique perspectives on a wide range of topics, and recount our humble experiences living in different parts of the world. Despite long distances and scheduling conflicts that have kept us physically apart for years, we're here to give you a glimpse of what it's like to have sisters, regardless of the miles that separate us. Are we still the same as we used to be, or have we grown and changed along the way living in diverse locations? Stay tuned; we hope you’ll be entertained!
SisterVibes
31. The Things We Took for Granted: Life After 40
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Time doesn’t just pass differently after 40— it can feel like it’s sprinting. In this episode, we reflect on what we took for granted when we were younger—bodies that bounced back, endless energy, and friendships that came easily. Now, those same things need care and intention, from looking after our health to making time for the people who matter. We talk about how quickly the years seem to move, how technology is reshaping our attention and our kids’ learning. From missed opportunities to dreams of traveling more, it’s an honest, relatable, and slightly nostalgic conversation about learning to appreciate what we have while we have it.
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Website: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2279605
Big shoutout to Allison Gray for generously granting us permission to feature her song, "Off My Mind" (from Ep 05).
Music Intro
SPEAKER_00I gotta get you out of my system. I gotta get you off of my mind. But how do I move on when no one compares? They only keep me occupied. I gotta break these chains and find me. I try to shake them up so dead, really. Would you pull them tighter?
SPEAKER_01I was thinking all of us are in our forties. 40, 42, 44, right? Mm-hmm. Just wanted to make sure we get the ages right. I'm doing a lot more of reflection on our years lived so far, the four decades. And I thought maybe we could talk a bit about what we may have taken for granted. For me, looking back, I feel like we had all the time in the world to do anything. Maybe as an adult, I'm seeing recently that time seems to just fly by, especially in the last 10 years. I'm not so sure why. Maybe because I have a child, I feel like we've had all this time in the world to do anything before, but now I feel like times sort of getting shorter and shorter. Do you guys feel that at all?
SPEAKER_04I feel like, I mean, when you don't have bills to pay as a kid, you have a lot more freedom. So you feel like you're not limited on time. You don't have to be rushed to go anywhere. You know? You mean there's no responsibility. Yeah, time does fly for me, being pulled from one place to another with the kids and constantly. Yeah. But it's not something I feel like I took for granted personally, but I do feel that time does fly. But I don't feel like there's a limit on time here on earth. I don't feel that not weighing heavy on me.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Maybe because I'm realizing now, you know, my son is like in high school. He's almost done with high school in a few years. And then after that, I mean I'm not even 50, but even before 50, I'm gonna be, you know, in an empty nester. So maybe that's why I'm just starting to think about that a little bit more. Taking a breather and to think about it. The time is just flying by. Maybe that's where it comes from. I'm not sure. So maybe you feel that at all? I mean, your baby is still almost a year old, not even.
SPEAKER_02Um, yeah. I do feel like time flies. It feels like time flies faster as I get older. Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04I mean, I always do wish there were more hours in a day. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02I don't.
SPEAKER_04I mean, I don't, though, at the same time, yes, because my body like tells me, hey, go to sleep. I'm tired. Yeah.
Youth Energy And The New Body Rules
SPEAKER_01So there's another thing, having endless energy. Now, small injury that you have, it affects you for maybe a week or something, or two weeks before when you were injured, it healed quicker. You know, we had the different bodies before then.
SPEAKER_04Yeah. I mean, I guess tying to that, what I took for granted is youth, right? Now it's oh crap, I could have done that back then with no problems. But now I have to think about everything because you're fearful more as you age because you fear getting injured and all that more.
SPEAKER_01If we had to do sports, we didn't have to stretch, really. I mean, we did stretch early. Yeah. But you know, you don't feel it the next day as much. Or even like sleep. We could just go on like a few hours of sleep and still wake up and go about your day, and it was fine. But now it's different. I feel it for days if I don't sleep enough. Yeah. So our body was just working just fine. Like we didn't have to really pay attention. Now whatever we eat, how much ever we sleep, all of that combined affects how you feel or how I feel anyway. How my day's gonna be like all of this added, like, okay, we gotta pay attention more.
SPEAKER_04Yeah. But I think for that reason, I think I'm in the best shape of my life, you know? It's just kind of weird, you know. Because we're aging, because you have to start caring.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_04But in your case, I feel like you think about ahead a lot more than most people, maybe. Probably you love to ask me, Hey, Toma, what are you doing like next year this month? And I'm like, what are you talking about? Oh my gosh. I have no idea. Yeah, you know, so like maybe you thinking this way all the time maybe has an effect on how you feel about time too. Probably. Yeah, I think so. But you might also feel that time slows when Lucas is gone.
Why Adult Friendships Take Work
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I think so. Also, it's not just my child, but I think you know, with him, I mean, you see him every single day. So it doesn't, you don't feel that necessarily as much as when you see other kids, for example, babies. If you don't see them for a few months, they're like a different person. Then I see, oh wow, the time is flying. And since I see him every day, maybe I don't feel as much. But if I look at it like this 10-year span as a whole, then I think, oh yeah, the time has flown really quickly. Oh, another thing I can think of friends are difficult. Make and maintain like friendships, maybe because we're just busy with responsibilities day to day as adults. You know, back then we didn't really have responsibilities. I mean, it was school and you know, we get to hang out with friends whenever we weren't in school. Even in school, we dealt with classmates, and after school, we would hang out with friends. But now, if you want to maintain friendships, like you have to put effort. And I felt that was effortless before. And especially if you want to make new friends now, like you really have to put an effort, I feel. Aside from meeting friends through your kids or through work outside of those things, I feel like it's difficult just in general to meet people and to maintain friendships as adults because everyone's busy with family things or whatever. I think you have to put extra effort, don't you think? But I guess with having cell phones and things and you can always chat, maybe it's not that big of a deal. But yeah, for me anyway, it's it's harder to maintain or put effort.
SPEAKER_04I don't know. I mean, I feel like it may be harder to find quality people um because you want to weed out the BS. Um maybe, you know, I don't know. But I guess I don't really I haven't really thought that, but I have to say I am not very good at being the one to reach out to people.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_04Usually people reach out to me, but I'll think about them all the time. Yeah, but I'm really bad about picking up the phone and actually sending a message to the person that I was really thinking about for a while.
SPEAKER_01I'll think about them, but because it happens in your head, right? And you forget to send it.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, yeah, yeah. I virtually send it in my mind. I ask people all the time, Did you get my virtual message? I was thinking of you and I was like really typing it up in my mind. But yeah, to physically so I'm really not good at reaching out to people, not intentionally. I just I don't know. Usually when I think about people, I'm driving or I'm doing something, and then I'm like, oh, when I'm done with this, I'm gonna text them. Then I forget.
Phones Kids And School Going Digital
SPEAKER_01Yeah. So I don't know. The accessibility of technology and AI these days, attention span has shortened for I think all of us. You know, even when we get together with friends, someone will pull up their phone to who knows what they're doing to message or maybe try to get in touch with somebody else. You know, we're constantly on our phones. Yeah, we never grew up with that when we were younger.
SPEAKER_04So how do you live without Amazon Prime anymore? Yeah. If it takes more than overnight for delivery, I'm like, what? How unacceptable.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it's convenient. And I wish that our kids have grown like we did, sort of, when we didn't even have access to all of this stuff. We had to look up something, we had to go to the library.
SPEAKER_04That I really wish that our kids, yes, could know to do their own research, do their own thinking, do their, you know, not just rely on technology for everything from science project to essay to math equations, solving anything. I mean, it's awful.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I'm not so sure if we can ever get that time back. Probably not.
SPEAKER_02I like the time when I would exchange notes with my friends during high school. Like we would put them in the locker. We would share a locker, you know, and in every day. Share a locker. Yeah. Well, I used to share a locker with this girl named Laura because her locker was on the first floor. Oh depending on the classes I go to, it was much more accessible than the ones where my locker was. Oh, that's smart.
SPEAKER_04Oh, you mean like it wasn't required by school. Oh no, no, no, no, no. It's uh mutual agreement with friends. Yeah, yeah. I don't ever visit, I don't remember visiting my locker. Did I have one?
SPEAKER_01I think almost every class you did because you had to carry the books. I probably didn't use the giant books.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, mine was upstairs, which was like no, yeah. Is this high school or middle school?
SPEAKER_04Oh no, high school. I must have had a locker, I don't remember. I'm sure you did. Did it change every year?
SPEAKER_02Oh, I think so. I don't know. I don't remember.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, so like Keiko is in high school now. Her school, her public school, she does not need to have a locker, but if she wants one, she has to pay what five dollars. Yeah, and she gets to choose um out of the available lockers which one she wants, but it's five dollars, I believe, a year. Um she said to me, like she didn't need it, but I'm like, well, why don't we just get it? Because you do have a thick AP bio textbook, you may want to drop it off someday or whatever. She didn't even, oh my gosh, here's another thing. Speaking of technology, she didn't even know how to unlock a regular lock where you turn the lock. She said to me, Oh, was it? I don't remember what the issue was. Oh, it was something like so. She came, she's like, My lock is broken. And I was like, It's broken, and she's like, Yeah, or um, they gave me the wrong code for this lock. I said, What are the numbers? And she told me, and I was like, Okay, yeah. So that's three digits, you know, three numbers. I mean, not three digits, three numbers. And she was like, No, that's six numbers. And I was like, What are you talking about? They were like 10, 12, 25, or something like that, right? She thought it was like one, two. Oh, I see. You know, so she said six numbers. I was like, What are you doing? I was like, Oh my gosh. And then the next day she came home and she's like, It worked. Yeah, that's how you do it.
SPEAKER_01Interesting. But yeah, handwriting anything anymore these days, I never do it, let alone writing a letter. I never write a letter anymore.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, I used to like writing letters too.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, like writing. We don't do these anymore. Everything is typing now, and when I actually write now, my handwriting is so bad. I really hate it. I have to spend probably a good amount of time to try to write now.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Question with this cake, maybe not needing a locker. There was no way. Like we needed a locker before. Because how would you carry all these thick giant books?
SPEAKER_04She only has one class where it's textbook, and everything is on an iPad? Right. Everything is digital on computer. It's not an iPad, but yeah. Oh my gosh, Chromebook. And I absolutely cannot, especially their math program. I hate that they do it digitally. I make my kids every time they do homework go get a piece of paper and pencil and do your work on paper and write the type the answer in the on the computer. I get on them so much about that.
SPEAKER_01Writing the steps down, yeah.
SPEAKER_04Like just yeah, like solving it on paper, then put it in the computer. They don't know how to do that out of habit. And every time they realize, oh my gosh, I get it when I, you know, write it on paper, or I get the right answer, you know, and then it's awful. The programs they use are awful. You can only see like half of a page, uh, half of a screen, the word problem, and you have to keep scrolling up and down for like answers. Oh my god. And then you have to enlarge an image for graph or something, but then when you enlarge the graph, the options go away, like the answer options go away, and all that. It's just a pain, such a pain.
SPEAKER_01So the teachers are not teaching classes with textbook anymore. Or how does that work?
SPEAKER_04Are kids taking notes? They take notes, teachers post notes online sometimes, or slides that they teach in class online. They do have textbooks online online, okay. But I don't know how much the teachers are requiring the students to use those online textbooks because I noticed that my kids didn't even know they had textbook access. Sometimes um they will say, Oh, the teacher didn't show us the steps in math class or whatever. And I'm like, Okay, but you have a textbook online. What? Where? And I have to show them, and I'm like, here it is, and it tells you how to do it. Oh, and they always forget, so they must not use the textbook online for math anyway. I don't know. So teachers don't use a chalkboard anymore? I don't know because I'm not there. They do have chalkboards in class or more whiteboard, like smartboard? No, whiteboard, and they do use smartboard, yes. And whiteboard.
SPEAKER_03Okay.
SPEAKER_04But I don't see a lot of chalkboards anymore.
SPEAKER_01That's super advanced. Yeah, then what's the point of having so I guess you don't need books then if everything is done digitally, yeah. And you have to trust the teacher that they're actually following the textbook.
SPEAKER_04But you know what? Even if they assign something, like say reading assignment and then they submit it online, you can't highlight, you know, what you're reading. You can't easily go back like, oh, what page was that? I want to go back to this page. Like, I mean, I'm sure you can type it, but you have to kind of go through every page a lot more inconveniently.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_04If you had it physically in front of you. I used to print stuff out for the kids, especially when they were in elementary. Now they're older, so they gotta learn to do their own thing and make adjustments their own way. It's just really, I don't think it's great at all.
SPEAKER_01So they heavily rely on their notes to study for like exams and stuff, not necessarily textbooks.
SPEAKER_04And teachers sometimes, yeah, they will print out sometimes like study material.
SPEAKER_02But wow. I used to love making the book covers out of grocery bags.
SPEAKER_04Oh my gosh, yeah. When we used to draw, yeah, that was fun. But I guess do you remember like don't do that anymore? G uh gum wrappers, like we would peel the silver part and then put it on binder too. Did you ever do that?
SPEAKER_02No.
SPEAKER_04What? Why would you put that on a binder? Because it peels very nicely. It's like the silver part, yeah. You can actually make shapes and stuff and designs. I never did that.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I don't think Lucas's school is like the. I mean, they obviously have books, it's not as thick. And he still does take books, but yeah. And a lot of things are done online, but I I think mostly it's traditional. There's chalkboards still. Kids take notes, they still have to look at books. The digital thing sounds crazy.
College Regrets And Travel Timing
SPEAKER_02Yeah, that sounds way too advanced. I definitely took my years at university for granted. True. Because I did not study like at all. Oh, me too. I wish I could redo it. Me too.
SPEAKER_01I think there should be a break. I feel the same. If there were like four years break in between, like let's say high school and university, and you live your life for four years or something, and then at some point you're like, okay, I'm ready to actually sit and learn. Like those days don't come, I think, until after you're, I don't know, in your early 20s or 30s. It's hard to go straight into all the schooling, 12 years up to high school, and then enter a university. There's no break in between. Not everyone thrives in that environment.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Oh, I also wish that I could have traveled the world a little more before having hero. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04You can still do that after hero.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01I was gonna say, you mean like during college years or well, yeah.
SPEAKER_02I guess during college years because once I got a job, once you start working, it's difficult. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_04But I think you'll see that you can travel with your child too a lot. Like I feel like we did a lot with the kids, our kids. Like we always travel. I actually really enjoy traveling with them. Because they're yeah, pretty fun.
SPEAKER_01I guess it depends on where you go. It might be more difficult to go abroad, maybe with the time difference.
SPEAKER_02And definitely wanted to go more like abroad.
SPEAKER_01Overseas. Yeah. Yeah. I get that. I get that. I think though it will be really nice to be able to do that before the kids get into school. Because then once they're in school, you have to commit to their breaks to travel.
SPEAKER_04Or before they start like elementary. So I mean, I don't know about Japan, but here, so flexible, you know, they don't really do a whole lot of work. But up until then, I I think you should take advantage. Even elementary, it's not really like in the beginning years, it doesn't they even if they miss some school, it's not that big of a deal.
SPEAKER_01But that's true. It gets harder. Yeah. Especially after you start working, then you're committed to your job. Then after you have a child, then you know it gets more difficult. And especially if you have multiple, then financially maybe it's not as doable as before.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I guess that's something I could do in a few years when Lucas is out of the house. Travel more. I feel like we're traveling quite a bit still. Yeah. But also depends.
SPEAKER_04Yeah. I mean, you can still travel with kids, I think. But you know, your destination, your duration, and things you do change obviously, because usually it's geared towards the kids. But for us, we like to travel with the kids a lot.
Gratitude For Healthy Kids
SPEAKER_01I think it'll be difficult if you don't have healthy kids. Oh, yeah. And you have to always depend on whether or not you can travel based on if they're well or not well.
SPEAKER_04Well, that's one thing we do take for granted, right? Like our kids being healthy. That's true. We shouldn't be complaining. I mean, I feel so bad for a lot of kids that are like wheelchairs and stuff. Wheelchairs. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_04Disabled, you mean one of any close friends. Yeah. Yeah.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_04That's true. Having any sort of disability, whether it's learning, physical, whatever.
SPEAKER_01And our kids are not really allergic to any food. So that's also good. I can't imagine.
SPEAKER_04Simple things that you don't think about.
SPEAKER_01That's true.
SPEAKER_04Anything else? Being able to eat whatever you wanted and not gain a pound. Although, although I don't miss that because I don't know that I'm an adult. I don't want to, even if I didn't gain any weight no matter what I ate, I don't want to like put things in my mouth that shouldn't be in there.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, but you have to be cautious of what you're putting in if you don't want to gain weight.
SPEAKER_04Oh, yeah.
Spontaneity Versus The Full Calendar
SPEAKER_01I don't know how people can do that really. Like, I'll just eat whatever. You know, it's just it's hard not to. It's hard to restrict food if you actually want to really eat. So I command people for restricting themselves, even if they want to, based on their lifestyle. And you certainly become a lot more conscious when you're an adult. Once you gain weight, it's hard to lose. Yeah, I think I agree with that. Um, maybe freedom to be more spontaneous, but maybe it's just me. I don't know. It's hard to sometimes be spontaneous and do things with friends. Hey, let's go out tomorrow night or tonight. I guess I could still if I want to. And I do that sometimes.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Um, but we can't just be like, okay, let's go here tomorrow. Let's travel to here, or oh no, we can't because this is going on. So having more flexibility in the scheduling, maybe. Yeah. Whereas before you only had to think about yourself.
SPEAKER_04I tend to be drawn to friends that are more on the spontaneous side because ones that are like me, I guess, more flexible-minded. Because I like when people ask last minute, hey, if you're not doing anything right now, do you want to come to this, this, and this? And then they're not offended if I already have something going on or if I can't.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_04Like the other day, Emiko's friend's mom messaged and she was like, Hey, I'm going here now. Aquatic center, it's a new aquatic center. She's like, if you have nothing going on, do you want to come? And I was like, Yeah. So I brought Emiko and her friend, and we went. And I always uh thank those moms, like, thanks for like thinking, even if it's last minute, you know, thinking to reach out. I tend to forget if it's planned ahead.
SPEAKER_01I think that's my issue. Maybe I need to stop planning ahead so much because usually when somebody asks, Hey, what are you doing this weekend? Are you free? I'm like, No, I'm not free. You have to just ask me like three weeks ago. Yeah, like because I like to I like to fill up the schedule ahead of time. So it's hard for us to do something spontaneous. But then if I don't plan it, it's like, okay, then what are we doing? You know? And sometimes if you want to go someplace, for example, art exhibit or something that we want to see, it's only available until a certain time or something like that, you know. So if you don't schedule it, it just doesn't happen.
SPEAKER_04I mean, yeah, if there's certain events you want to attend, you should definitely plan for that. But most of the time I don't even know what's going on around me. So nor do I look. So if I just usually happen to drive by and see something, oh wait, you know, or somebody tells me during conversation, really, I should check it out.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. So I don't feel like I I feel like I would like to do that more. Which means I'll have to work on not scheduling so much stuff ahead of time. Do you have anything scheduled this weekend? Yes.
SPEAKER_04Uh we do actually this weekend. It's uh Emicos Soccer Tournament. And it's been planned since what? Like beginning of the year, school year.
SPEAKER_02I have a plan this weekend.
SPEAKER_04You do?
SPEAKER_02Taking Oreo for her vaccine.
SPEAKER_04Oh what vaccine?
SPEAKER_02Uh Kilcambio. Kilcambio. Some kind of disease. Oh, what is Kilcambio?
SPEAKER_01Rabies. Okay. Yeah, nice. Oh, that sounds like a fun event. I'm sure she'll hate it.
SPEAKER_02I hate having a full full calendar.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. I love it. Oh my gosh. I like it when it's fuller. Fuller as in like not super busy, but just knowing like I have something going on ahead of us. I like.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01I feel like, oh yeah.
SPEAKER_02You guys. I take you guys for granted. And Naughty, like siblings. Yeah. That's true.
SPEAKER_04That's true. Because I do know, like, for example, my husband is an only child. Yeah. And I cannot imagine if he can't vent to someone siblings about his spouse, aka me, or about his parents or something. You know? Oh, yeah. Like I can't imagine. Yeah. Or like holidays, not spending it with your siblings. Well, I mean, that's common, I guess. But like not even having an option to is crazy. That is true. That is a very good one. And I have another, uh yeah, I have a lot of um only child friends and they hate it.
SPEAKER_01The only child person hates it.
SPEAKER_04Yeah. Absolutely hate it.
SPEAKER_01Obviously, I have an only child, but I have to remember to raise him. Like, I don't want him to think he's lacking something because he's an only child. I have to remember to raise him that it's not a bad thing to be an only child, you know? Because I don't ever want him to feel like he's missing out on something because he's not. I mean, there are a lot of advantages being the only child. He's not getting pinned against each other with any other siblings. He's very comfortable being alone. He can entertain himself, he can solve problems on his own. Also, he gets full attention from us. And what's been great is that we can put more effort into other family members, like his cousins, for example. You know, he has good relationships with all of them. And same with, you know, Tomomi, your girls. Like he has a good relationship, and I hope that relationship will carry over to Sumi's uh baby, you know. So I think that's an advantage that he gets to be a little bit more flexible to be able to well, obviously, we're giving him that kind of opportunity, but you know what I mean?
SPEAKER_04Well, okay, so he is a unique case because he doesn't desire person-to-person relationship all the time. He it really enjoys alone time, you know, since he was little, yeah, and he had no desire to have a sibling, you said, you know. Yeah. I think his case is a little unique. And I think that's good that he feels that way because he has no other choice anyway. So yeah, true. But yeah, in his case, I think he's a lot more independent, so he doesn't really feel like he is missing out.
SPEAKER_01It's true, it's different when you want a sibling and you don't have a sibling.
SPEAKER_04Yes, I think when you are like really in need of someone around you all the time, yeah, that's that's hard when you don't have a sibling.
SPEAKER_01Um but not all the siblings have a relationship, you know? Yeah, so yeah, it's true. We have each other, it's a good thing.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, I know that when uh Keiko goes to college, we're all gonna feel it, but really Emiko will really, really feel it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_04The one left behind, yes, especially because Keiko makes such a huge presence in our lives.
SPEAKER_01And well, I think Emiko does too in her own way. It's not as wild and energetic, but she does it quietly.
Closing And Subscribe Reminder
SPEAKER_04She does too, but here's the thing when I look at their personality, if Emiko would have gone first, of course Keiko would miss her. But yeah, it's not like she wouldn't feel the impact as much. Thanks for joining us today. Don't forget to review Sister Vibes and make sure to subscribe on the app of your choice so you don't miss our upcoming episodes.
SPEAKER_00Until next time, do joy with yourself in all of these games you play. I should have seen through it right from the start, but I chose to give it all away. Now I'll say to people give her on to come and give me a praise.